The long version

Here are some of the details that I remember from our wedding. 

It started with introductions. One by one, our gathered friends and family introduced themselves and gave a glimpse of how we know them.

Amber Forest, the park ranger at Larrabee State Park, who was gave us a job as camp hosts when we were moving here and living in our trailer. She said, “I met them in the forest.”

Ken Matthews, our realtor, and his partner Wayne.  Ken helped us buy this house.

Our neighbors Kathy, Dan, Eliza and Paulina, who visit with us and our dog. Dan said, "Lynne helped us fix our front door lock."

Our friends from our circle of lesbian friends: Jerri, Lynn, Lora, Tovah, Janine, Kate, Jeanne, Amy, Janis, Michele, Ruth and Carol.  A few met us first at a reading at Village Books. The rest said they met us at gatherings of this "intentional community".

Ruth, Carol, Amber and Ken M.

Our first tai chi instructor, Lee and her husband Rick. Rick said he guessed he was here because he was lucky.



Kathy, Bill and their 17 year old daughter, Michelle.  During the service, Michelle presented us with a painting that she had done for us.

Our other neighbors down the street, Winnie’s second home, Ken W. and Phyllis, who were letting Winnie stay at their house during the wedding. They also lent us wine glasses, folding chairs, and made cookies.

Sara and Mike, my Census friends, who so kindly transported my mother here and then back home.



Cooie, Sara, Ken and Phyllis

My mother, in her blue dress, matching blue earings and sparkly necklace. She wore lipstick and rouge. When it was her turn to say how she knew us, she said, "I've known them for a long time."

Kay and Leslie, who have known us for 37 years.  They are Kentucky friends who moved to Bellingham before we did.

We had a lively crowd, who responded and spoke up.

Tovah sang the song that she composed "We Have Made a Vow", written when Proposition 74 passed.  Everyone cried.

We said our vows, facing each other and holding hands.



Kent looking on during the vows, Lynne and Sky

Lynne, Take me as I am. Set your seal upon my heart. Summon all that I may be.

Sky, Take me as I am. Set your seal upon my heart. Summon all that I may be.

The big hug. Kent is looking on. Michelle's painting is on the mantel.
It says "Sky and Lynne United in Love"

Kent pronounced us married, “Through the power vested in me by the state of Washington, I pronounce you married.”

Tovah (musician), Eliza and Paulina (flower girls),
Dan (father of flower girls) during "Song of the Soul"

That moment. Almost over. Everyone singing. Flower petals flying. We had done it. We all had done it.



Eliza finished throwing her flower petals. Then she started gathering them back up so that she could take them home. But she missed one. A flower petal landed on my mother. She picked it up and slipped it in her purse.

Warren, JoAnn, Michelle, Kathy, Kathy, Bill and Michelle
singing "Song of the Soul"



People stayed. Food kept pouring out of the kitchen. Our friends are golden, working tirelessly. Michele taking pictures. A blur of visiting with our friends, and then Lynne tugging at my sleeve to come sign the marriage certificates. The souvenir copy is sitting next to me on this desk as I write.

Applause at the end

 Sara broke open the chocolate high heel slipper that my writing group friends had given us, and circulated around offering pieces of chocolate slipper to the crowd.

Our friends Tovah, musician and Lora, caterer extraordinaire

Our friends who had worked for days preparing a table fit for royalty, kept the food flowing out of the oven and onto the overflowing trays.  They stayed until the end, washing dishes, organizing leftovers, and taking home extra bottles of wine and sparkling juices.

I am proud of everyone, of our diverse community, those who were here at the wedding and those many others who could not be. We are humbled by how much love has been expressed for us in so many small and large ways, on this day, before and since. 

On getting married

I don’t want to forget it. Maybe that’s why I’m awake at 4:15 am at this keyboard.  Too much to tell in one blog.  Too many moments to recount at once. 

The words that we spoke, the songs that Tovah sang, the living room cleared of furniture to make way for people who we love, on 40 folding chairs arranged in a half circle.  We stood in front of the fireplace, candles burning behind us, the hearth decorated with a plant given by our carpenter friend Gerry and his wife Jan. Kent and Tara, taller than I realized they were, standing on either side of us.  Lynne and I in the center, the center of everyone’s attention, the focus of the service.  We wore matching outfits, in the end, a last minute decision.  Both in black turtlenecks and soft jackets, both with a flowing brown, gold and black scarf, the same scarves that we wore in San Francisco when we didn’t get married in 2004. 

So let's start with words.

So many beautiful words.  Here's what Lynne read.

I have lolled about camp, writing letters home, sewing on buttons, etc.; but most of the time in a sort of day-dream—a glorious day-dream in the presence of this grand nature. Ah! this free life in the presence of great Nature, is indeed delightful.

There is but one thing greater in this world; one thing after which, even under the shadow of this grand wall of rock, upon whose broad face and summit line projected against the clear blue sky with upturned face I now gaze; one thing after which even now I sigh with inexpressible longing, and that is Home and Love. August 4, 1872 Joseph LeConte writing home from his first visit to Yosemite

Here's what I read:

We are a stew made up of parts claimed from each of us

some parts we both claim now.

Start with two independent hippie spirits

and a base of romance

temper with a touch of caution.

Add some serendipity and mutual attraction

infuse with a longing for a place to be ourselves

baste with a desire for a relationship that would last

add a pinch of surprise from each of us

a touch of artistic spirit.

Season with a string of much loved dogs.

Stir in some scientific skepticism

then blend in a touch of mysticism

turn the arguments down to simmer …

Add some growth

some maturity.

Let it rest.

Let the trust rise.

Add adventure

frost with memories

sprinkle in mountains

and spice it up with kayaks.

Move our lives from house to house

Then from Kentucky to Washington.Enrich the flavor with friends

add community roots.

Let it age

test for depth

and then boldly serve with courage

spread with joy.

More tomorrow: Vows, flower girls and food

Frequently Asked Questions about lesbian weddings

OK, I am totally making this up, but I think it would be like this:

Q: What are you going to wear?

A: I’m still not sure. Its 48 hours away, I have to work all day tomorrow, and I have a couple of options.

Q: What is your partner going to wear?

A: She’s not sure. We both rarely dress up, and this question is torture. We’d both rather wear fleece, but we are trying not to.

Q: Are you going to wear dresses?

A: No, but my mother is. That was one of her first reactions when I told her we were getting married. “I have to buy a dress!”

Q: Don’t you want to wear a white dress?

A: No. I’d be totally uncomfortable and Lynne would be mortified . Luckily, it’s not required.

Q: Aren’t you going to wear high heels?

A: No, as lesbians we are duty bound to wear practical ugly shoes.

Q: What colors are you going to wear?
A: I trying not to wear all black, but that sure is appealing.

Q: Will you have wedding cake?

A: No. We’ve been together 35 years! We are in our sixties! Plus, our friends in Kentucky made us a wedding cake after we didn’t get married in San Francisco.

Q: Aren’t you going to feed each other cake?

A: No, that would be silly. See above answer.

Q: Who is going to give you away?

A: No one. We aren’t in anyone’s possession at the moment.

Q: Will you take a honeymoon?

A: If we can get my brother to take my mother to church the next morning, that will be good.

Q: Don’t you want to go anywhere?

A: We have already taken five trips this year. Maybe we’ll do something in January when we have more money.

Q: How will I address my Christmas card to you? Mrs. and Mrs.?

A: Our names would be sufficient.

Q: What will you call your spouse?

A: See above. Plus, "honey", "sweetheart" and "girlfriend."

Q: Who is marrying you?

A: The two ministers from our church, First Congregational Church of Bellingham.

Q: What will he say at the end?

A: We’re not sure. We’ll let you know after the wedding.

Q: Will you cry?

A: Guaranteed.

Q: Why?

A: The weight of having an intimate, lifelong relationship that is not recognized as such will roll off my heart. My heart will cry, probably from the moment the ceremony starts.

Q: But you’ve been together 35 years!

A: Thirty five years is too long to bear the disappointment of being dismissed because we aren’t heterosexual.

Q: Is your relationship that important to you?

A: As we will say in our vows, this relationship is our home upon this planet.