Thursday, December 13, 2012

Frequently Asked Questions about lesbian weddings

OK, I am totally making this up, but I think it would be like this:

Q: What are you going to wear?
A: I’m still not sure. Its 48 hours away, I have to work all day tomorrow, and I have a couple of options.

Q: What is your partner going to wear?
A: She’s not sure. We both rarely dress up, and this question is torture. We’d both rather wear fleece, but we are trying not to.

Q: Are you going to wear dresses?
A: No, but my mother is. That was one of her first reactions when I told her we were getting married. “I have to buy a dress!”

Q: Don’t you want to wear a white dress?
A: No. I’d be totally uncomfortable and Lynne would be mortified . Luckily, it’s not required.

Q: Aren’t you going to wear high heels?
A: No, as lesbians we are duty bound to wear practical ugly shoes.

Q: What colors are you going to wear?
A: I trying not to wear all black, but that sure is appealing.

Q: Will you have wedding cake?
A: No. We’ve been together 35 years! We are in our sixties! Plus, our friends in Kentucky made us a wedding cake after we didn’t get married in San Francisco.

Q: Aren’t you going to feed each other cake?
A: No, that would be silly. See above answer.

Q: Who is going to give you away?
A: No one. We aren’t in anyone’s possession at the moment.

Q: Will you take a honeymoon?
A: If we can get my brother to take my mother to church the next morning, that will be good.

Q: Don’t you want to go anywhere?
A: We have already taken five trips this year. Maybe we’ll do something in January when we have more money.

Q: How will I address my Christmas card to you? Mrs. and Mrs.?
A: Our names would be sufficient.

Q: What will you call your spouse?
A: See above. Plus, "honey", "sweetheart" and "girlfriend."

Q: Who is marrying you?
A: The two ministers from our church, First Congregational Church of Bellingham.

Q: What will he say at the end?
A: We’re not sure. We’ll let you know after the wedding.

Q: Will you cry?
A: Guaranteed.

Q: Why?
A: The weight of having an intimate, lifelong relationship that is not recognized as such will roll off my heart. My heart will cry, probably from the moment the ceremony starts.

Q: But you’ve been together 35 years!
A: Thirty five years is too long to bear the disappointment of being dismissed because we aren’t heterosexual.

Q: Is your relationship that important to you?
A: As we will say in our vows, this relationship is our home upon this planet.

1 comment:

  1. After 35 years it will be as much "I did" as "I do!"